The Strength in Connection

Leaving Behind Gray turns one :")

One year ago, I published my very first newsletter. I reread it sometimes and scorn at my blind optimism and writing skill, wanting to delete it from the Internet. Though, I also want to honor where my journey with this newsletter began, so it remains up. I was inspired by this newsletter, Devotions, by Tara Monjazeb. She's on a little break from writing right now, but her work has continued to inspire me. I absolutely recommend it and hope you will indulge yourself in it. 

When I first started writing Leaving Behind Gray, I hadn't been writing consistently. I was on a journey of my own and had hoped that writing would serve as a record of my progress. I didn't expect a ton of people to read it, nor was it my goal. I wanted to improve my skill as a writer and pay more attention to my own thoughts and feelings. Often, emotions pass us by without a chance for us to label them and figure out where they come from. Writing allows me to reflect on the things I feel, what they mean to me, and how I can manage them and not let them float by without a second thought. 

As much as writing this newsletter began as an internal process of healing and growing, I never realized how transformative writing can be externally. The impact of this newsletter has been far greater than I could have ever imagined. Among my own friends, I find that we have a lot more open conversations about the things I write about. I've become closer to a lot of people. I've become acquainted with writers who I only ever communicate with through Substack. I keep a folder in my phone of screenshots of meaningful messages I've received, and a large majority of them are the kind comments and texts I receive in response to my writing. To know that my writing has made a difference on people's individual lives is absolutely crazy, but I am so grateful. 

This leads me to be more careful with my words. I always try to put out writing that will leave you, the reader, feeling more optimistic about life going forward. I stopped writing for a few months in the spring because of my personal struggles. I could very easily have published my anxiety-ridden and hopeless thoughts, but I didn't want to impress those feelings on the audience that I have. I try my best to create a product that can be a source of hope and motivation to continue on. As today's date became closer and closer, I thought about how to verbalize what passing one year of writing this newsletter really means to me, beyond the intense gratitude for anyone who reads. I touched on this earlier, but I had never anticipated how sharing my writing, something that was innately introspective for me, could be such an externally impactful practice as well.

I always thought healing was isolating by nature. And to some degree, it is. Being on a personal journey of self-improvement is isolating because no one else will truly understand my past, present, and future. I am the only one who can create change in my own life. It does feel bad sometimes to be going through so much in my own head and to lose connection to the physical and social world. Despite this, this newsletter has helped me realize that healing does not have to be so isolating. Nobody can heal me or fix me. I cannot do the same to others. The reaction I receive from this newsletter reminds me that despite how isolating struggling and growing feels, these feelings are universal. Everyone is struggling, and everyone is on their own personal journey. If I can be a voice to remind you on your journey that you are not alone, then I have made an impact. I reread the messages I get after publishing a newsletter, and it reminds me that I am allowed to be on my own journey, support others, and be supported at the same time. It brings me back to this quote from this interview. I'll let it speak for itself.

“Everyone in the world is lonely & sad. If we know that everyone is suffering & lonely, I hope we can create an environment where we can ask for help, and say things are hard when they’re hard, and say that we miss someone when we miss them.”

from Hannah Lane's The Crowd Series Collection

I cannot say my personal journey has gone the way I wanted it to a year ago. I'm not happy all the time, or even most of the time. I can say, though, that I have gained greater emotional maturity and understanding towards others and their experiences. As I share my own experiences, I hear about your experiences in relation to the subject I wrote about. It inspires me to put myself in your shoes and view situations from a different perspective. Writing is only half of the process, really. Your response is a nutritive element to my drive to keep creating. Thank you, thank you, thank you. So much. 

There is just something so beautiful about the human connection! I have so much of life left to live and experience. The things I learn will be passed on to you, and the things you learn will be passed back to me. Going back to the last newsletter, this is one of those moments where everything really, really matters. In the large spread of the universe, you and I are here, connected in the same virtual space. I think of these words, from Pat Barker:

“Cut a chrysalis open, and you will find a rotting caterpillar. What you will never find is that mythical creature, half caterpillar, half butterfly, a fit emblem for the human soul, for those whose cast of mind leads them to seek such emblems. No, the process of transformation consists almost entirely of decay.”

The process of transformation consists almost entirely of decay, but the good thing about being human and not caterpillars (!!) is that we can make it easier to experience by communicating. Thank you for making the decay less horrible to deal with. I hope I have been able to do the same. :)

Here are some newsletters that either inspire me and/or have been inspired by me:

• wading upstream

• delicate

• sobia's archive

And here are some Good Things:

• This album, this album, and this album

• j-hope's Lollapalooza set

• Maisie Peters is releasing a song today!!!

• (These are all about music… have not been consuming much else lately…)

• My Astro Poets horoscope!

Thank you so much for reading. I am unbelievably grateful and happy. 

Have a wonderful August and end to summer! Eat well and spend some time in the sun :)

Love,

Aarushi.