How to Leave Behind Gray: The Rules
Things that have helped. I hope they help you, too.
Dear readers— today is a bit different! I’m going to share my hopes, recommendations, and well-wishes before I get to the bulk of this newsletter.
It’s just been Halloween! I hope you all had a fulfilling night going out, dressing up, handing out candy, staying home, or just having a normal weekend. I had a wonderful, wonderful time with my friends (pieces continue to fall into place). I’ve been listening to The Slowdown, hosted by Ada Limón, where she discusses a poem every weekday in short episodes of only 5 minutes. My current favorite is 534. Other favorites: my Astro Poets horoscope, my new fall playlist (largely Taylor Swift), and Megan Thee Stallion’s new album.
That all being said, what I wanted to share today was a list of rules. Rules I’ve built for myself, lessons I’ve learned the hard way, and general practices I try to implement in my everyday life to chip away at my lingering bad brain. Some of these are silly, some of these are serious, and some of these are just there. Happy November.
Don’t do homework on Fridays.
If something isn’t due that night, save your Fridays for prioritizing joy. Order dinner, watch a movie, clean your room, catch up with the friend you’ve been meaning to talk to.
If you join your school’s Taylor Swift club, learn coping methods in the process in case your favorite song gets rated 16/17 on the album.
Don’t expect people to know when you need help.
They won’t know unless you tell them. Don’t deny yourself a support system!
It’s okay to ask for help, even if you need to scream for it.
I learned this the hard way, I think. I reached a point where I didn’t know what else to do and I needed some sort of support. I had to shove aside the thought that I was being too needy and ask for help when I needed it so desperately. A heavily wounded person isn’t needy for asking for help.
Things don’t need to be good all the time. Things won’t be good all the time.
At some point you realize there’s no point in fighting it. Instead, accept that it will be a tough few days, forgive yourself for how you feel, and let your emotions say what they want to. Fighting them will only make them build up. It’s better to sit with them and hear them cry.
Find a magic number for naps. Mine is 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
Pick 3 vegetables and 1 protein you like, and you will never have trouble deciding what to make ever again.
Mine are onions, mushrooms, spinach, and tofu. With rice, with noodles, with pasta, with bread, with whatever. It works.
If you’re in a process of healing, don’t ever lose sight of your progress.
I was doing well in July. I’m not doing that well anymore, but I’m doing so much better than I was in May. I have grown, and I am grateful.
Make friends with people older than you.
If focusing on self-improvement, think about how your 5 year old self would feel. Think about how your 80 year old self would feel. Think about how you feel, now. Nothing else matters.
If you cannot handle the week, handle the day. If you cannot handle the day, handle the hour. If you cannot handle the hour, handle the minute.
The world is still here, waiting for you. It’s not going anywhere when you step back. It is yours.
Listen to music in the shower.
Check in on your friends with something more than a simple “How are you?”.
What’s the best thing you’ve read recently? What songs do you recommend? What’s the best thing you’ve done in the last week? How are your classes? ‘How are you?’ is too difficult to answer sometimes, and it’s too easy for someone to get away with a vague answer. Choose something interesting to check in with.
It really does not matter as much as you think it does right now.
Love unabashedly. Don’t question the good things.
In the wonderful words of Kim Taehyung during a speech at the UNGA 2021, “There are still many pages left in the story about us and I think that we shouldn’t talk like the ending’s already been written.” In other words, when you reach a high, don’t anticipate the fall. What if you don’t fall? What if things get better? Couldn’t that happen too?
As always, always, always— thank you for reading.
Love,
Aarushi.
i love these rules so much!!!!!!
hi aarushi i'm in love with your writing <3 rule #2 #brocken